One can only imagine what the news story about Jesus’ resurrection might look like today…
BODY OF JESUS “CHRIST” MISSING DAYS AFTER MURDER
April 16, 2017
The body of murdered Evangelist Jesus, called “Christ”, was declared missing today, sending shock waves through an already upset religious community and sparking rumors about the disappearance. A private funeral had taken place Wednesday evening and the gravesite was found disturbed early Sunday morning. Investigators say that no foot or tire tracks lead to or from the site, leading to more questions than answers.
“This is the first time anything like this has happened,” said Joseph Aram, owner of the cemetery. “I heard about Jesus’ murder and am just sickened to see someone do this to a good man. He should have been allowed to rest in peace.”
According to some, Jesus’ disciples, a dedicated group of men and women, were likely to have stolen his body for their own purposes. But others have an even more bizarre reason for the disappearance: Jesus is no longer dead, but is miraculously alive again.
Pete Galilee, a well-known friend of Jesus, publicly stated today that not only had Jesus made claims that he would ‘rise from death’, but Pete had actually seen him again. “I swear to you, no one stole his body. Jesus is as alive as I am right now. He died, yes, but he is alive!”
Naturally, this announcement was met with plenty of backlash and disbelief. Tom Didymus, another follower of Jesus, expressed his own doubt on the subject: “I saw Jesus die with my own two eyes, and unless I see him again with those same eyes, I will not believe it. This is a cruel joke that is just prolonging an unbearably painful time for Jesus’ family and friends.”
A medical examiner with the Jerusalem police reacted online to the ‘resurrection’ claims with a tongue-in-cheek reply:
“Of course a dead man is living again! Why, I’ve had many people on my table suddenly sit up and ask what I’ve been doing to them. It doesn’t happen every day, but at least once a month. Everybody, keep an eye out for Jesus . He could be anywhere!”
While some joke, others are seriously questioning the possibility. And without a body to prove anything once and for all, the rumors of Jesus’ resurrection may continue to circulate.
What do you think? Could it be a miracle or is the disappearance of Jesus’ body a “cruel joke”?